Autumn’s gray skies (Feelings, Thoughts)

Autumn’s gray skies 

I see our sadness gathering the rain clouds, but it never rains, as those clouds are empty, all the water already ran down our cheeks… But still the clouds won’t leave the autumn skies and people don’t recognize, separate them from the real ones, we’re used to the gray and endless autumn’s sky… and feed them saying that we’re “fine”, only to break down when we’re alone… and, God, why it sounds so normal, like it’s the only life we know, like it’s the right way to live… are you okay with it?

We create those gray skies, we cover the sun with our own clouds of fear, doubt, sadness, denial, pain, hate, weakness… like we don’t deserve the sun, light and love… we voluntary sing the lullaby of endless sleep and self-negation… so we could justify our inner death and don’t move forward…

Some of us are cowards, some hurt or broken, other numb or given up… and the saddest part is that we’re fine with it… not ready, not trying, not wanting to help and be helped, heal and be healed, care and be cared for, ask and listen, give and take… because then we need to force ourselves to do something, for us, for others, for a better day… But we are worth to take and share the best this life and world can give us… all what we need to do is take a step and stretch a hand… to fall into the world full of love, light, understanding and acceptance… give all your love, hope, strength and you’ll receive three times more…

It won’t be easy in the beginning… the storm will take away your peaceful sadness, but the things you’ll discover will be worth it… maybe even strange… when you’ll rediscover your beloved ones, your friends, your home… see them in full of sun colors… because you can still fall in love with this world… you may not believe it… I didn’t too… I used to create those clouds like you…

I can see the sun breaking through the clouds, can feel how many eyes looked up and how many lips cracked a smile… and how many will do, when they’ll let go the clouds, their fear and doubt, other things keeping them down… and accept the sun, shining for every one of us…

Laura Dambite

A shattered mirror (Words, dedication)

Believe me, in the end nothing matters, it will be only you facing yourself.

Your body is a shattered mirror, which could never reflect who you were, no matter how you tried to fix it trough your life, it never reflected you completely. Never showed you in your blossom or rot, your colors and feelings never reached the surface. As you believed it’s inappropriate for anything, as you shattered it.

But let go of it now, you’re beyond ugly and beautiful, you’re only energy without a form. Do standards, norms, forms, lies and who you should, could be, strangle you now? Do you still want to fit in? But you can’t, because now your simply accepted the way you are.

But, my dear, you always were accepted, you always fitted in, and there was no other way around. Even if your eyes were burned by the sun and you couldn’t see what’s on the ground and around. Didn’t you felt us holding your hand, whispering words in your ear, never believed in promises we made and words we said? Do you even remember you had friends?

But you can’t hear us, we know, in the end, you’re just a shattered mirror on the floor. 

Anxiety

Anxiety

Cold, collected

Light

In a pill.

Shades of grey

Devour

What you feel.

Lungs full

With dust

And dreams.

Worries

About people,

You don’t miss.

Silence

Takes away

Your will.

Until you wake

And question,

Is this all for real?

© Laura Dambite, 2014.

Nothing much to comment… Sometimes, I feel like I’m taken hostage by it, like it doesn’t depend on me, it’s here, strangling me, an invisible enemy… but it’s only an emotion, my own, I think… I wish it would be easier to fight… I wish…