Fireworks and New Year’s resolutions (Poem and thoughts)

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Fireworks

We can’t stand and watch fireworks forever,

It’s hard to admit,

We live in their smoke rest of our time,

Only to see this day again

And to allow ourselves to be happy,

Like there’s nothing to regret,

Like we never grew up.

© Laura Dambite, 2014.

I wrote this poem last year, on 1 January, my only wish for 2014 was to be happier and now a year has gone by and I can admit, that I was and I am truly happier. Because I found strength to move forward and say words, do things I was nervous about. I found a friend, a real one, even if I didn’t believe I ever would, but everything can happen, if you make step forwards.

I achieved many things, that may be not so visible at first, but are real and important achievements for me. I even started to smile a little more…

I don’t have any New Years resolutions, I will do things, I will make changes happen, not plan them, not think or dream about them, but do!

Look at your New Year’s resolutions,

Aren’t they just a sweet bunch of lies?

It’s said – don’t make promises when you’re happy,

They will fade away like the sparkles in your eyes.

© Laura Dambite, 2014.

There’s no such a thing as New Year – new me, it’s an pretty illusion, I will use my experience to make myself and things better. Others can long for changes and sit in one place, but I will improve, I will go only forward, not promising but doing.

I’m the change, you’re the change, we are the change we need!

Autumn’s gray skies (Feelings, Thoughts)

Autumn’s gray skies 

I see our sadness gathering the rain clouds, but it never rains, as those clouds are empty, all the water already ran down our cheeks… But still the clouds won’t leave the autumn skies and people don’t recognize, separate them from the real ones, we’re used to the gray and endless autumn’s sky… and feed them saying that we’re “fine”, only to break down when we’re alone… and, God, why it sounds so normal, like it’s the only life we know, like it’s the right way to live… are you okay with it?

We create those gray skies, we cover the sun with our own clouds of fear, doubt, sadness, denial, pain, hate, weakness… like we don’t deserve the sun, light and love… we voluntary sing the lullaby of endless sleep and self-negation… so we could justify our inner death and don’t move forward…

Some of us are cowards, some hurt or broken, other numb or given up… and the saddest part is that we’re fine with it… not ready, not trying, not wanting to help and be helped, heal and be healed, care and be cared for, ask and listen, give and take… because then we need to force ourselves to do something, for us, for others, for a better day… But we are worth to take and share the best this life and world can give us… all what we need to do is take a step and stretch a hand… to fall into the world full of love, light, understanding and acceptance… give all your love, hope, strength and you’ll receive three times more…

It won’t be easy in the beginning… the storm will take away your peaceful sadness, but the things you’ll discover will be worth it… maybe even strange… when you’ll rediscover your beloved ones, your friends, your home… see them in full of sun colors… because you can still fall in love with this world… you may not believe it… I didn’t too… I used to create those clouds like you…

I can see the sun breaking through the clouds, can feel how many eyes looked up and how many lips cracked a smile… and how many will do, when they’ll let go the clouds, their fear and doubt, other things keeping them down… and accept the sun, shining for every one of us…

Laura Dambite

The sea of memories

The sea of memories

Sailing through waves of memories,

Waiting until I’ll start to live…

I’m lost in this sea,

It’s a raindrop, but it’s an ocean to me…

I’ve found nothing worth to love,

The sea showed me, people come and go…

But it didn’t swallowed my believes,

My ship is a wreck, still it swims…

Sun is burning me alive,

Still I stand and keep the land in eye…

Someday I’ll reach that shore,

Even if my journey leaves me sore…

I’m not afraid to sink,

I need to stop waiting, start living…

Hope will be my guiding wind,

Sails already rising…

Sailing through my memories,

Waves of blue and green…

And one day, I believe,

I’ll reach the land of reality…

© Laura Dambite, 2014.

So this is where I’m now in my live… I’m ready to leave my past behind, to sail through storms… I’m not waiting anymore… It’s time to start living, not existing… I’m truly happy, that I finally understand it…

Childish fears and autumn leaves

Childish fears and autumn leaves

You asked me once…

What if autumn takes my heart?

Covers it with leaves

And colors the way it likes?

So I won’t be able to recognize it?

What if I’ll be heartless?

Living, but loving no one,

What if I turn faceless?

Like one of the leaves in the Fall…

No one will know the difference,

Who can tell leaves apart?

They all are nameless,

So will be I…

And I’ll cry with the rain for my heart,

Till autumn returns it cold and numb,

So winter could steal it, again,

Leaving me with empty hands.

But where’s your heart?

Is it in your chest, beating?

Or spring took it?

And summer burned it?

And I had nothing to answer…

© Laura Dambite, 2014.

Where this came from, I don’t know, it’s autumn’s fault… I think… Just remembered how a child asked me such things…

She was afraid that seasons change and her heart’s changing too, that one day she’ll wake and won’t be able to separate lie from truth… that she won’t recognize herself and others won’t tell, what’s wrong with her, when she looks the same, won’t see the change, she’s going through…

Is she me? Is she you? Is she someone we know or knew? I know the answer, so do you…

A shattered mirror (Words, dedication)

Believe me, in the end nothing matters, it will be only you facing yourself.

Your body is a shattered mirror, which could never reflect who you were, no matter how you tried to fix it trough your life, it never reflected you completely. Never showed you in your blossom or rot, your colors and feelings never reached the surface. As you believed it’s inappropriate for anything, as you shattered it.

But let go of it now, you’re beyond ugly and beautiful, you’re only energy without a form. Do standards, norms, forms, lies and who you should, could be, strangle you now? Do you still want to fit in? But you can’t, because now your simply accepted the way you are.

But, my dear, you always were accepted, you always fitted in, and there was no other way around. Even if your eyes were burned by the sun and you couldn’t see what’s on the ground and around. Didn’t you felt us holding your hand, whispering words in your ear, never believed in promises we made and words we said? Do you even remember you had friends?

But you can’t hear us, we know, in the end, you’re just a shattered mirror on the floor. 

Hello, my no one (Thoughts)

I know, you believe that your life has no meaning, you’re nothing more than rain drop falling down. Only to see how fast life runs by and how easy is it to crash against the cold ground. Meaningless, worthless like the cold rain in autumn morning, raining only to prove everything comes to an end and everything dies. Hitting hard against black umbrellas, like people already don’t hate it enough.

But dear no one, rain is nothing more, but life itself.

And, yes, it’s knocking, calling everyone out to close the umbrellas of ignorance and face the open sore, they try to push aside. People nowadays are afraid of living, afraid that one day they’ll realize, they’re nobody and their endless run means nothing.

They’re afraid to stop, question everything, they’re afraid to be you, to stand in the rain, to show the world how broken they are.

But are you broken? Did you ever were whole? Complete? Normal? Different? Maybe yourself? Someone else?

And did you ever felt, that we are living in some sick fantasy of a norm created by a psycho from a daydream about a perfect society?

At the dawn

At the dawn

Clouds are flying by,

I lost my count of time,

All I know for sure it’s dawn,

It’s always dawn…

We’re still at the beginning,

We didn’t got too far,

From playing roles

Or changing forms…

Like clouds…

We’re awake and aware

Of sun inside our veins,

Of rain behind our eyes

It still storms in our minds.

But we want to be something more,

To dream big, dig deep,

So we question and doubt,

Are we human in the core?

Are we clouds?

© Laura Dambite, 2014.

Just my thoughts flying with clouds at raising sun… I still question, who we are? What for are we here? Where are we going? And every time the answer differs… But I believe – the one and truly answer can be found in our bond with nature, with endless energy of life that surrounds us.

Hello...

I’m Laura Dambite and it’s a part of my heart, a heart chamber, em, I mean it’s my blog. So, somehow you’re here, where my blood pumps, I mean, where I post poetry, thoughts and other stuff.

I hope I didn’t scare you off, but I created this place, blog, because I wanted to express my feelings, thoughts, everything that boils, lives, and grows inside of me. Because I can’t stop writing, it’s my remedy, my curse, even if no one cares about it, I still hope, that what I create will give someone something to think about. Even if I will inspire one little soul or make it think or feel, I’ll be the happiest person in the world, because it’s all won’t be vain.

But I’ll warn you, English is not my mother language, so there may be mistakes, I’m not perfect, but still I’ll try my best, so I don’t mind if you correct me, please do so.

All I publish is written by me, if you want to use it somehow, somewhere, please message me.